About a month ago, the BSM (Baptist Student Ministry) Director at my school asked me if I would like to speak at our weekly student-led worship. I said yes- I had hoped to since last semester! But the timing was never quite right in the Fall.
It took me a while to settle on the date, since every week this Spring semester is so busy and scheduled and planned; it seems that on the rare occasion I don't have something planned, something new arises.
I don't aim to plan my every minute. I quite like spontaneity and following the inspiration of the moment. But for many large events in my life, I need to have a strategy.
Anyways, I picked the date. February 15, right after Valentine's.
I'm not going to lie- I was a bit worried about that day. Would I have the energy after such a full weekend? (I'm telling you... I ANTICIPATE Valentine's Day. It is the pinkest and most floral day of the year, and I am determined to make the most out of the occasion.)
Oh, well. I decided this was the best date available on my current schedule and went with it. The Lord will help me!
And did He ever.
The funny thing is, when I gave this talk (which was scheduled and planned for well in advance), I did not know how much I would need it myself.
I had health issues come up that day that left me struggling with my speech. I remember laying down outside the room we have BSM worship in during the minutes before I spoke. A friend of mine had brought me a blanket, and I curled up and sipped water as I tried to shake it off. A few friends came and hung out with me in the minutes before. I kept calling people by the wrong names and getting my words mixed up. I felt so sick.
Lord, I don't know how I'm going to do this. You've GOT to help me.
The whole day had been rough. I'd started my morning rushing late to class because I couldn't think straight and get my act together in time. "I can do today... oh, Lord, help me," I'd said under my breath as I sped to class with my guitar slung over one arm and backpack on the other. Ballet flats that day- what a decision.
I typed up more detailed notes right before my talk in the evening- just in case I needed something to follow should nerves or feeling ill or fatigued get the best of me.
Then there it was. I walked up to the podium after opening prayer with my laptop full of notes and Bible. And you know what? God helped me through. Not perfect- but I think that truly, His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. I think it is more of a testament to the encouragement and charges I spoke that my day was HARD. Had it been easy, I don't think it would have been understood the same. (Although my words might have been clearer! ;)
I was so grateful. Praise God for helping me through!!
So- excuse the lack of flow, the rapid speech and the blonde moments! This is just a rough recording from my phone, but I hope this is a blessing to someone.